* I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of
  suspicion and paranoia.  
  
  * I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are
  someone else's fault.  
  
  * I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself.  Unless, of
  course, I want to stay employed.  
  
  * In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.  
  
   * I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no
  personality at all.  
  
  * I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious,
  self-righteous people around me.  
  
  * The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do
  nice things for myself. The third, to find 
  someone to buy me nice things.  
  
  * Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.  
  
  * Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with
  imaginary fears.  
  
  * Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to incessant
  nagging?  
  
  * Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no
  sweeter words than "I told you so."  
  
  * False hope is nicer than no hope at all.  
  
  * A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.  
  
  * Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV.
  Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.  
  
  * Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find
  someone.  
  
  * I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh
  at.  
  
  * The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not
  home.  
  
  * To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm
  giving as much as I'm getting.  
  
  * I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn
  from them.
  
  * Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.