Some Great Things About Getting Older:
   
   
    Finally you can eat dinner at 4:00
    Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
    Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
    If you've never smoked you can start now and it won't have time to
    hurt you.
   People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
   Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
   them either.
   Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
   Your eyes won't get much worse.
   Things you buy now won't wear out.
   No one expects you to run into a burning building.
   You don't need the roof shingles with the 30 year guarantee.
   There is no need to spend money for a psychic to see your future.
   There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
   Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
   Buying cheap tires and not rotating them makes economic sense.
   You don't have to learn the name of the new UPS man.
   No one thinks you're cheap because you don't buy a half a cow to
   freeze.
   You may never have to vacuum under the bed again.
   Taking the shortest magazine subscription is economically defensible.
   You don't have to bother planting perennials.
   In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.