UT-A&M-Baylor-Tech (no SWTS)
 	
 University of Texas
      I live in a town where you stand out if you don't have a purple
 mohawk, facial piercings chained to nipple piercings, a homosexual lover,
 or hang out at the Magnolia Cafe. More people go to my school	than live in
 Australia. I honestly believe that Ricky Williams is a god. I am
 open-minded and spiritually intune - except towards people who are closed
 minded and spiritually out of tune. Liberal women with armpit hair are
 cool. You can see my dorm from Chicago for it is
 as tall as Florida would be if it stood up. I protest everything - except
 protests. I am a gold card carrying member of Amnesty International. I am
 openly bi-curious. I am a Longhorn.
 	
 Texas A&M University
      I live in a town the size of a piece of bacteria on a fly's ass. I
 spend Friday nights practicing my yells. I can whoop better than anyone in
 my batallion. If I'm not yelling,drinking with my batallion, I am at the
 Dixie Chicken. My father went to school here, just as his father did
 before him, and his father before him. My brother went to t.u. They never
 found his body after he came home that first Christmas in college. I won't
 walk on the grass. I look forward to the day I, too, will do the elephant
 walk. I believe it is cool to do something because they tell me it is
 tradition. Even if I have to 	drink my own urine. If something is not a
 tradition and we accidentally do it, we then make it one. I can call UT,
 t.u. if I want. I am an Aggie.
 	
 Baylor University
      I live by homeless vagrants, whom I turn my nose up to. I look just
 like everyone else at my school. The NoZe Brothers are the coolest thing
 since khakis and sandals. I have a leather Aberercrombie and Fitch Bible
 cover. I have an Abercombie and Fitch everything. I can coordinate outfits
 and ensembles better than anyone in my upscale apartment complex. I have a
 radar that lets me know 	where the closest ATM is. If I can't find
 one it's okay - I have ten credit cards all of which are billed to my
 parents. My town is so conservative that anyone who kisses on the mouth
 before three years of marriage is drug through the center of town, stoned,
 and hung to
 death. I like me. I should be an underwear model. I am a Bear.
 
 Texas Tech University
      I live on a piece of dirt so flat that we call the four degree
 incline at the intersection of 19th and Brownfield "the Big Hill". I get
 dirt in my eyes, hair, and teeth when I walk to class. I can out drink
 anyone from any other school because that is what we do best.  If I'm not
 drunk by 4:30pm I'm high. I can't buy beer within 50 miles of where I live
 - so I trek to the strip, which my friends and I
 all consider a true paradise on Earth. I don't go to many football games.
 I don't go to any organizational meetings. I don't really go to anything.
 Not even class. I like the fact that Will Rogers' horse's 	ass points
 to College Station. I fry cow balls. I know where Buddy Holly used to
 live. I am desperately trying to find a rival within our conference to
 make fun of. Our football players get caught by the NCAA. If I'm not drunk
 by 4:30pm I'm high. But I'm usually drunk by 4:30pm. Or I'm high.  I am a
 Red Raider.